Pleasureful

Tag: therapy

  • Finding Your Brave

    In case you were not aware, this week has been dubbed Children’s Mental Health Week by the charity known as Place2Be, a UK organization who have been working with students, families and staff to provide young people with support through one-to-one and group counselling in schools. The campaign’s website states that ‘around three children in every primary school class has a mental health problem, and many more struggle with challenges from bullying to bereavement’.

    The statistics don’t shock me in the slightest, as I remember having my own struggles with my mental wellbeing as early as around 9 years old. From a young age I suffered with issues surrounding body image. There were times that I really believed that I was insane because of some of the thoughts I had – I hated myself and I wasn’t even a teenager yet. I can’t imagine how many children now go through this same struggle to an even higher extent with social media being so prominent in our lives (sorry to sound your grandma, but you know it’s true). 

    We had no education in mental health. No one told me that my mind could get sick. I’m relieved that we are finally getting to a place where we can normalise talking about the struggles we may be facing mentally, encouraging children to feel more comfortable to speak up when they need help. 

    No child should feel like they must suffer in silence; keeping it to themselves will only ever lead to having to fix the damage that was done in their childhood when they are adults. No one wants to be paying £70 an hour to sit in a therapists office to figure out that the reason they have self-esteem issues because when they were 5 people would always refer to their best friend Jenny as the pretty one and them as the funny one. 

    Best to resolve those issues when they arise, rather than repressing them until you have that inevitable mental breakdown in your 20s, don’t you think?

    The theme that was chosen for this week is ‘Find your Brave’ – it’s all about encouraging young people (I mean let’s face it, us adults need some help in this area too) to feel comfortable in their own skin, own who they are and be confident with it. 

    But being brave does not mean having to cope with everything alone. Being brave means asking for help, talking about how you are feeling and the parts of life that are getting to you. Up until recently, the thought of having to really admit what was going on in my brain to others made me feel physically nauseous. But, at nearly 20 years old, I am so proud of myself for being at a point where I have normalised having these conversations and I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m not okay.

    Talking about mental health with my friends and family now comes as easily to me as talking about what I’m having for lunch. I wouldn’t be embarrassed of having a cold, so why should I be embarrassed to be in state of anxiety or depression? 

    I just hope that children today come to understand this a lot quicker than I did. But guess what? They won’t learn how to be brave and talk about their struggles unless we give them the support to do so. They won’t know that it’s okay unless we tell them that it is. Let the boys cry, tell the girls it’s okay to be angry if that’s what they feel!

    As adults, we all have a responsibility to make sure kids feel safe. Emotions can get confusing and scary for grown-ups, let alone for children. If you’re overwhelmed by whatever’s going on at home, how must your kid feel? Ask them, and then ask them again in a few days, and then check up again in a week.

    It’s not just about starting the conversation; it’s about keeping it going. 

    If you want to find out more about Children’s Mental Health Week and how you can get involved, visit the website https://www.childrensmentalhealthweek.org.uk/about-the-week/ for more information.

  • Girl, Stop Apologising.

    So I’ve kind of always been one to grovel. In most of the heated situations that have occurred throughout my young adult life between myself and a friend, I usually jump at the opportunity to apologise so that I can make things all right and rosy again. Although having the ability to say sorry is a valuable one, it is possible to apologise too often. I will often find myself saying sorry for reasons I am unsure of, sometimes even when the circumstances are far from tense or argumentative. I do it so much that people tell me off for it; my response is, of course, to apologise for apologising too much. I think what I have done is I have gradually started to use the word ‘sorry’ as a way to gain validation and confirmation from others that I am acting how I am supposed to in order to be a good and valuable friend.

    You may think that this is a completely idiotic and destructive way to navigate my way through life and relationships. You’re probably right. A close friend of mine could quite literally stab me in the back, and whilst gushing with blood my only concern would be to apologise for clearly upsetting them to the point of murderous rage, and ask what I could possibly do to fix things, because surely I must have done something dreadful for them to lash out at me in such a despicable way? No matter how much damage that other person may have done to me, I’ll do what I think I need to do to keep a quiet and drama-free life.

    I know that this issue of mine closely relates to my absolutely crippling fear of losing the people I’m close to, as I have never been great with dealing with changes to my personal life. This excludes family members, as I feel that they’re less likely to stop talking to me for reasons such as forgetting to like their latest picture on Instagram or having to cancel on their dogs birthday party at the last minute. Those are exaggerated examples of why a friend could be upset with me, but you get the idea. Family are in it till death do us part – unless I go on a cold-blooded murder spree that puts Ted Bundy to shame. Then I could understand if they didn’t fancy going out to lunch with me anymore.

    Basically, what I have begun to learn is this whole ‘apologising for the quickest way out’ thing really is not the best way to go about dealing with situations. Not only do I end up apologising for just being myself and most likely not doing anything wrong, but I end up with all this built up uneasiness inside of me. I have all this hurt and upset that others have (probably unintentionally) caused that I have pushed down deep inside me, because I fear that talking to them about it would lead to them turning on me. When, in reality, the worst they’re gonna do is express that they were unaware that they had hurt me, and then apologise for doing so.

    A lot of people, maybe even you reading this, are the complete opposite to me. Many of us find it difficult to find it in us to apologise for something and take accountability for our actions. It may be hard to see that you have anything to apologise for. We’re all so proud and reluctant to admit when we’re in the wrong, that we will go to the greatest of lengths to avoid having to suck it up and face the truth. But saying sorry (when necessary) isn’t something to avoid. It isn’t something to run from. It doesn’t make you weak, or pathetic, or vulnerable. It makes you a good person, and proves that you are mature enough to take responsibility for yourself.

    So in conclusion, it’s all about balance. Say sorry when you need to, but only if you actually need to. Take responsibility for your actions, but also understand that you shouldn’t feel the need to apologise for being yourself. That is, unless being yourself means being a serial killer or just a general asshole. Then I suggest reevaluating some things. Maybe try therapy?

    I hope you enjoyed this post for whatever reason. I’m totally NOT sorry for how long winded and rant-like it turned out.

    Okay, maybe I’m a little bit sorry.

    Thanks for reading!

  • All or Something

    I have recently started going back to therapy again. I have an hour long session every two weeks, and so far so good. I think therapy can be absolutely life changing for some people, and being able to talk to a professional about your thoughts, feelings and struggles, knowing that they are there to give no judgement and to just help you cope is such a reassuring thing to have.

    So, in yesterdays session I was talking about how I often put so much pressure on myself to be constantly busy doing things, being productive, working out or working on a new project. I’ll get these bursts of motivation and ambition in which I plan out my whole week down to the hour, with all these expectations in my head of all the things that I’m going to get done. Then, just as quickly as it came, that wave of determination comes crashing back down. I’ll look at the plan I set out for myself, all these things that I think I need to do to be a healthy and successful person, and instantly doubt myself. I start to look at it all in a more negative light. What if I don’t do well enough? What if I end up wasting my time, money and effort? Will this really get me where I want to be?

    I start asking myself all these questions, then when the time comes to get stuff done, I’m too tired and apprehensive to actually do what I set out to do. What’s the point in doing something if I don’t feel I’ll do it perfectly? Why would I start writing a blog post when I know I’ll lose the drive to finish it in one sitting? What’s the point in going to the gym when I only have the time and/or energy for a measly 30 minutes?

    It was then that my therapist said to me ‘Instead of this ‘all or nothing’, what if you told yourself ‘all or something’?’. I’ve never thought about it like that. I think we’re told throughout our whole lives, especially in school, that if we’re not doing our best we’re not trying hard enough. This then leads to the mentality of ‘well, might as well not try at all’. But this isn’t true. Something is always better than nothing, and sometimes can be more beneficial than giving it our all.

    Putting all this pressure and insane expectations on ourselves to work hard and be successful at what we do isn’t healthy; and stop looking at how hard others are working and what they’re doing, because comparing ourselves only makes things worse. It’s called ‘hustle culture’ – I call it toxic. It leads to burnout.

    Allow time for self love and self care. Give your mind and body rest if that is what they want. If you can’t give it your all, only something, don’t judge yourself for it. Give it what you can manage.

    Something is always better than nothing.