Pleasureful

Tag: fear

  • Finding Your Brave

    In case you were not aware, this week has been dubbed Children’s Mental Health Week by the charity known as Place2Be, a UK organization who have been working with students, families and staff to provide young people with support through one-to-one and group counselling in schools. The campaign’s website states that ‘around three children in every primary school class has a mental health problem, and many more struggle with challenges from bullying to bereavement’.

    The statistics don’t shock me in the slightest, as I remember having my own struggles with my mental wellbeing as early as around 9 years old. From a young age I suffered with issues surrounding body image. There were times that I really believed that I was insane because of some of the thoughts I had – I hated myself and I wasn’t even a teenager yet. I can’t imagine how many children now go through this same struggle to an even higher extent with social media being so prominent in our lives (sorry to sound your grandma, but you know it’s true). 

    We had no education in mental health. No one told me that my mind could get sick. I’m relieved that we are finally getting to a place where we can normalise talking about the struggles we may be facing mentally, encouraging children to feel more comfortable to speak up when they need help. 

    No child should feel like they must suffer in silence; keeping it to themselves will only ever lead to having to fix the damage that was done in their childhood when they are adults. No one wants to be paying £70 an hour to sit in a therapists office to figure out that the reason they have self-esteem issues because when they were 5 people would always refer to their best friend Jenny as the pretty one and them as the funny one. 

    Best to resolve those issues when they arise, rather than repressing them until you have that inevitable mental breakdown in your 20s, don’t you think?

    The theme that was chosen for this week is ‘Find your Brave’ – it’s all about encouraging young people (I mean let’s face it, us adults need some help in this area too) to feel comfortable in their own skin, own who they are and be confident with it. 

    But being brave does not mean having to cope with everything alone. Being brave means asking for help, talking about how you are feeling and the parts of life that are getting to you. Up until recently, the thought of having to really admit what was going on in my brain to others made me feel physically nauseous. But, at nearly 20 years old, I am so proud of myself for being at a point where I have normalised having these conversations and I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m not okay.

    Talking about mental health with my friends and family now comes as easily to me as talking about what I’m having for lunch. I wouldn’t be embarrassed of having a cold, so why should I be embarrassed to be in state of anxiety or depression? 

    I just hope that children today come to understand this a lot quicker than I did. But guess what? They won’t learn how to be brave and talk about their struggles unless we give them the support to do so. They won’t know that it’s okay unless we tell them that it is. Let the boys cry, tell the girls it’s okay to be angry if that’s what they feel!

    As adults, we all have a responsibility to make sure kids feel safe. Emotions can get confusing and scary for grown-ups, let alone for children. If you’re overwhelmed by whatever’s going on at home, how must your kid feel? Ask them, and then ask them again in a few days, and then check up again in a week.

    It’s not just about starting the conversation; it’s about keeping it going. 

    If you want to find out more about Children’s Mental Health Week and how you can get involved, visit the website https://www.childrensmentalhealthweek.org.uk/about-the-week/ for more information.

  • Unexpected Change and Letting Go

    No one is a big fan of change. I hear this all the time, but is it really true? I mean, we’re all trying to change things in our lives all the time. Maybe you’re trying to make a change to your weight, your financial status or your career path. These changes are the good ones, the ones we’re not afraid of, because they’re the ones we’re in control of (for the most part anyway). It’s the unwanted or unexpected changes that we really fear. That might be a break-up, falling out with a good friend or being made redundant from a job that you felt comfortable and happy in. Sometimes we’re so scared to accept change that we spend all of our precious energy trying to make it stop. We desperately try to cling on to the present, even if we know deep down that it’s doing more harm than good. Just because something once brought some form of positivity into your life, doesn’t mean that it will always be what’s best for you; it’s a hard pill to swallow. Letting go can be the most difficult thing, no matter how necessary it is to do so.

    The first step is to allow yourself to come to terms with the fact that things aren’t what they once were. Stop kidding yourself. Open your eyes and take a look around. Is your relationship/friendship with that person bringing you both happiness the same way that it used to? Is this job still providing you with valuable experience, or is it holding you back from making your next move? Is your current environment lifting you up or pulling you down? Answer those all important questions, admit to yourself that things aren’t working anymore, and you can now begin to make those much needed improvements to those areas of your life. You can’t put out a fire by pretending it isn’t there. It’s just going to get bigger. Then you’ll have the audacity to wonder how you burned to death or died of smoke inhalation. You know in the back of your mind what’s good for you, so instead of trying to drown those feelings out, listen to them. Otherwise you’re just going to drag things out for longer, which can make it a lot harder on yourself and others. You can’t stop the inevitable from happening, so make it a bit easier on yourself.

    If there is another person involved, address the problem with them and see if you can talk through it together. That might be a boss, partner, friend or family member. If the other person is being difficult or turning things into a confrontation, don’t engage in it any further. Things are already bringing you negativity, you don’t need any more of it. Them deciding to react that way also further confirms the truth that it’s time to walk away. Never be afraid to voice how you’re feeling, even if you think you might come across as silly or paranoid, or even ungrateful. You can’t help how you feel and there’s always a real reason behind those feelings. Don’t let anyone make you feel like those feelings are invalid. They’re not.

    You have to bite the bullet. Get it over and done with. Stop beating around the bush, or making excuses, or telling yourself ‘what if’. It’s like pouring alcohol onto a fresh wound – you know it’ll help but you’re still reluctant to do it and while it does sting like a bitch, it’s over before you know it and now you can heal. So, would you rather let things get worse before they get better? Or let yourself get an infection and end up having to chop off a limb? I know which path I’d rather take.

    After the letting go part is out of the way, don’t sit and think to yourself that your life is never going to recover from whatever it is you’ve had to say goodbye to. Be proactive in your ‘healing’. Start to get to know yourself all over again. Who are you without that person or aspect in your life? Figure out your needs and wants – they may have changed since the last time you really checked in on yourself. Date yourself. Find out what makes you happy, calm, motivated, even what makes you sad. Pay attention to all of this and use your findings to start manifesting what you want in your future. Do you want to make new friends? Great, then start thinking about where you’ll meet these friends, what type of people you want to start surrounding yourself with and why you want to be around them. Do you want start a new project or side hustle? Okay, make a game plan, gather resources, do your research and start creating new and healthy habits that are going to help you reach your goals. You’ve been given an opportunity here to grow, so make the most of it.

    Don’t hold on to the negativity. I know it’s easier said than done and it can even bring you some form of comfort, but trust me it’s not going to do you any good. Do you really want a bunch of grudges and regrets cluttering up your mind? We want to make space for a more positive mindset; you don’t have the capacity for both. Forgive yourself and others. Wish people well. The Universe can misinterpret what you’re putting out, and if what you’re putting out is all these bad thoughts and feelings about yourself or others, it’s not going to give you what you really want. You’re just going to get more crap.

    Change in our lives, whether it’s in the people, places or jobs we have, is never going to go away. Try and learn to accept it, maybe even welcome it. It can seem daunting, saddening or scary at the time, but everything really does happen for a reason and it will always work itself out. You’ll be left wondering why on earth you were acting like it was the end of the bloody world, when if it hadn’t of been for letting go of that part of your life, you would never have grown to be where you are now. So trust me when I say you can let go of whatevers not right in your life anymore, because you’re going to be just fine without it. All you need is youself; your wonderful, badass self.