Pleasureful

Tag: confidence

  • Sex Miseducation: Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

    Sex Miseducation: Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

    I would say that I am a pretty open person when it comes to talking about things that others may shy away from, such as mental health, racism, and sex. I have spoken on two of the mentioned topics here on Currently Clueless, but not that third one. The thing with sex is people like to keep it private, which is completely understandable, and I respect that decision. But there is a difference between keeping our own sex lives private versus not talking about sex at all. This leads to the issue of lacking proper education and understanding on something that plays a huge role in most of our lives.

    But why is this a problem?

    Poor sex education is dangerous. It can affect not only our physical health, but our mental wellbeing as well. We’re not born knowing these things, and due to the poor teachings we receive on the subject at school, most of us just learn along the way through friends, family members and a quick Google search (using an incognito tab, of course). The problem is, many sources can be misleading, uninformative, or biased based on personal views and beliefs, and lead to the spread of misinformation.

    I’m pretty sure the most any of us ever learned in school about sex was how to put a condom on a banana, and unless you have a fetish for fruit, that’s not exactly going to help us out in the long run.

    And surprise, surprise – sex isn’t all about the penis in the vagina (shocking, I know).

    So, I wanted to start a little series on here, which I have titled ‘Sex Miseducation’, where we will be talking about all the things that school failed to teach us. Get ready to talk about topics such as sex and the LGTBQ+ community, gender identity, breaking the stigma surrounding the idea of virginity, putting an end to body hair shame, how to really take care of our sexual health and so much more.

    Obviously, I’m not a sex-pert by any means. Anything I say is based off my own research, and I’m definitely still learning along with everyone else. But that’s a good thing! No one needs to pretend to know exactly what they are talking about, and no one needs to feel ashamed for not knowing either.

    Expect the first instalment of this sexy new series very soon!

  • Oh, I Just Manifested It!

    Oh, I Just Manifested It!

    I first came across the art of manifestation when I started listening to more podcasts and reading more ‘self-help’ books. However, there was one novel in particular that really pushed me over the edge when it comes to believing in myself and the universe, and that was ‘How to be a Badass’ by Jen Sincero. Let me tell you, I definitely learned how to be a bit more badass-y after finishing this book. Jen talks about letting the universe know what it is you want by speaking it into existence.

    If you want to manifest your dreams into reality, you can’t just want it to happen, you have to believe it’s going to happen. Let me give you an example…

    I went for an interview a few months ago for a job that I knew was exactly what I’d been looking for as a step in the right direction for my future career. I’d had no experience in the industry before, and I had only worked one other office job previously, which was my business administration apprenticeship. But I walked into that interview knowing I had the skills and personality that they were looking for to fill the role. I walked out of that first interview feeling good, giving no energy to worrying about the outcome.

    A little while after, I was invited back for a second interview along with two other candidates. Now, this second interview is what really made me realise ‘this is my job’. I had never had such a good feeling from an interview before, and there was no way I wasn’t going to be working for this company within the next few weeks. But instead of walking out and thinking ‘wow, I really hope I get that job, I’ll be so disappointed if I don’t get it, I think I did enough to impress them’, I changed my thinking into ‘I can’t wait to start this new job, I’m so excited for this new opportunity, that interview went perfectly’. Even if when my mum would say that she hoped I would get it, I responded with the belief that, actually, it was already mine.

    I’ve been working here for over a month now.

    I gave no energy to worrying about the possibility of it not happening, because in my mind that wasn’t a possibility. I made sure not to use any negative language that the universe could have taken to mean something else. When putting something out for the universe to hear, you need to be concise. For example, instead of manifesting ‘By this time next year my bank account will not be empty’, use a phrase more like ‘By this time next year my bank account will be full and healthy/will have X amount of money in it’. See, the universe will hear the word ‘empty’ and may misunderstand what it is you are wanting. Try not to give out mixed signals.

    So, how do you create your own manifesto? Picture where you want to be in the future. This could be in a years’ time or even 10 years from now, it’s up to you. The more specific you are the better. Let’s say you’re wanting to move out; Where are you living? Are you in a house or a flat? Are you renting or paying a mortgage? Do you live alone? With a partner? Roommates? Do you live close to work? Do you have a garden? Is there a pet running around inside? Are you friendly with your neighbours? What colour are the f**king walls?

    Write it all down and read it back often. Be excited that this is what you are working towards. This is your future that you are looking forward to.

    To give you some ideas, here’s a brief manifesto of my own:

    • By the end of next year (2021) I will have a distinction in my digital marketing course, have completed my apprenticeship and be working in a higher position marketing job, earning X amount of money per annum.
    • By the end of next year, I will be getting an average of 100 views per blog post on Currently Clueless. Thanks to my experience gained from my apprentice job, my WordPress skills will have vastly improved; I will apply these skills not only to my own site but for future job roles.
    • By the time I am 24 years old, I will be preparing to move out and purchase my own property to live in by myself.

    You get the idea. You might think I’m crazy or unrealistic, and that’s just fine. It’s not for everybody and trust me I know how hard it is to get into this sort of positive mindset. But just think, how’s the universe supposed to give you what you want if you don’t tell it? Speak up – the only risk is being heard.

  • Finding Your Brave

    In case you were not aware, this week has been dubbed Children’s Mental Health Week by the charity known as Place2Be, a UK organization who have been working with students, families and staff to provide young people with support through one-to-one and group counselling in schools. The campaign’s website states that ‘around three children in every primary school class has a mental health problem, and many more struggle with challenges from bullying to bereavement’.

    The statistics don’t shock me in the slightest, as I remember having my own struggles with my mental wellbeing as early as around 9 years old. From a young age I suffered with issues surrounding body image. There were times that I really believed that I was insane because of some of the thoughts I had – I hated myself and I wasn’t even a teenager yet. I can’t imagine how many children now go through this same struggle to an even higher extent with social media being so prominent in our lives (sorry to sound your grandma, but you know it’s true). 

    We had no education in mental health. No one told me that my mind could get sick. I’m relieved that we are finally getting to a place where we can normalise talking about the struggles we may be facing mentally, encouraging children to feel more comfortable to speak up when they need help. 

    No child should feel like they must suffer in silence; keeping it to themselves will only ever lead to having to fix the damage that was done in their childhood when they are adults. No one wants to be paying £70 an hour to sit in a therapists office to figure out that the reason they have self-esteem issues because when they were 5 people would always refer to their best friend Jenny as the pretty one and them as the funny one. 

    Best to resolve those issues when they arise, rather than repressing them until you have that inevitable mental breakdown in your 20s, don’t you think?

    The theme that was chosen for this week is ‘Find your Brave’ – it’s all about encouraging young people (I mean let’s face it, us adults need some help in this area too) to feel comfortable in their own skin, own who they are and be confident with it. 

    But being brave does not mean having to cope with everything alone. Being brave means asking for help, talking about how you are feeling and the parts of life that are getting to you. Up until recently, the thought of having to really admit what was going on in my brain to others made me feel physically nauseous. But, at nearly 20 years old, I am so proud of myself for being at a point where I have normalised having these conversations and I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m not okay.

    Talking about mental health with my friends and family now comes as easily to me as talking about what I’m having for lunch. I wouldn’t be embarrassed of having a cold, so why should I be embarrassed to be in state of anxiety or depression? 

    I just hope that children today come to understand this a lot quicker than I did. But guess what? They won’t learn how to be brave and talk about their struggles unless we give them the support to do so. They won’t know that it’s okay unless we tell them that it is. Let the boys cry, tell the girls it’s okay to be angry if that’s what they feel!

    As adults, we all have a responsibility to make sure kids feel safe. Emotions can get confusing and scary for grown-ups, let alone for children. If you’re overwhelmed by whatever’s going on at home, how must your kid feel? Ask them, and then ask them again in a few days, and then check up again in a week.

    It’s not just about starting the conversation; it’s about keeping it going. 

    If you want to find out more about Children’s Mental Health Week and how you can get involved, visit the website https://www.childrensmentalhealthweek.org.uk/about-the-week/ for more information.

  • Girl, Stop Apologising.

    So I’ve kind of always been one to grovel. In most of the heated situations that have occurred throughout my young adult life between myself and a friend, I usually jump at the opportunity to apologise so that I can make things all right and rosy again. Although having the ability to say sorry is a valuable one, it is possible to apologise too often. I will often find myself saying sorry for reasons I am unsure of, sometimes even when the circumstances are far from tense or argumentative. I do it so much that people tell me off for it; my response is, of course, to apologise for apologising too much. I think what I have done is I have gradually started to use the word ‘sorry’ as a way to gain validation and confirmation from others that I am acting how I am supposed to in order to be a good and valuable friend.

    You may think that this is a completely idiotic and destructive way to navigate my way through life and relationships. You’re probably right. A close friend of mine could quite literally stab me in the back, and whilst gushing with blood my only concern would be to apologise for clearly upsetting them to the point of murderous rage, and ask what I could possibly do to fix things, because surely I must have done something dreadful for them to lash out at me in such a despicable way? No matter how much damage that other person may have done to me, I’ll do what I think I need to do to keep a quiet and drama-free life.

    I know that this issue of mine closely relates to my absolutely crippling fear of losing the people I’m close to, as I have never been great with dealing with changes to my personal life. This excludes family members, as I feel that they’re less likely to stop talking to me for reasons such as forgetting to like their latest picture on Instagram or having to cancel on their dogs birthday party at the last minute. Those are exaggerated examples of why a friend could be upset with me, but you get the idea. Family are in it till death do us part – unless I go on a cold-blooded murder spree that puts Ted Bundy to shame. Then I could understand if they didn’t fancy going out to lunch with me anymore.

    Basically, what I have begun to learn is this whole ‘apologising for the quickest way out’ thing really is not the best way to go about dealing with situations. Not only do I end up apologising for just being myself and most likely not doing anything wrong, but I end up with all this built up uneasiness inside of me. I have all this hurt and upset that others have (probably unintentionally) caused that I have pushed down deep inside me, because I fear that talking to them about it would lead to them turning on me. When, in reality, the worst they’re gonna do is express that they were unaware that they had hurt me, and then apologise for doing so.

    A lot of people, maybe even you reading this, are the complete opposite to me. Many of us find it difficult to find it in us to apologise for something and take accountability for our actions. It may be hard to see that you have anything to apologise for. We’re all so proud and reluctant to admit when we’re in the wrong, that we will go to the greatest of lengths to avoid having to suck it up and face the truth. But saying sorry (when necessary) isn’t something to avoid. It isn’t something to run from. It doesn’t make you weak, or pathetic, or vulnerable. It makes you a good person, and proves that you are mature enough to take responsibility for yourself.

    So in conclusion, it’s all about balance. Say sorry when you need to, but only if you actually need to. Take responsibility for your actions, but also understand that you shouldn’t feel the need to apologise for being yourself. That is, unless being yourself means being a serial killer or just a general asshole. Then I suggest reevaluating some things. Maybe try therapy?

    I hope you enjoyed this post for whatever reason. I’m totally NOT sorry for how long winded and rant-like it turned out.

    Okay, maybe I’m a little bit sorry.

    Thanks for reading!