With an increasingly sex positive society (we’re getting there), kink and BDSM is beginning to become less of a taboo topic. We’re beginning to see BDSM depicted in the media more often than ever in the form of books, documentaries and movies. We have dating sites and events tailored to those with particular tastes. With all of things comes more people dipping their toes in the BDSM world and community – but like with most things, you must walk before you can run. Otherwise, you risk tripping up. Big time.
Here’s some top tips for all BDSM beginners.
Learn your limits
Learning what your limits are when it comes to BDSM and/or sex might require some exploration on your part (don’t knock it till you try it, am I right?), whether that’s watching porn or physically exploring different kinks and dynamics. Once you have an understanding of what your limits are, it’s important to communicate these to any play partners so they know what lines not to cross. Understanding and respecting limits helps ensure that everyone has a safe and pleasurable time!
Understand the Terminology
When you first begin exploring BDSM and different kinks and dynamics, you’ll likely come across a lot of different words and phrases that don’t tend to be used in every day conversation. Here’s some basics to get you started:
Dominant (Dom/Domme) – The participant that the power and controll is transferred to.
Submissive (sub) – The participant who relinquishes power and control to the Dominant.
Switch – Someone who switches between the role of both Dom and sub.
Impact play – Anything that involves impact with the body! Spanking, flogging, slapping, riding crops…
Masochist – Someone who is sexually turned on by their own pain, degradation or humiliation.
Sadist – Someone who is sexually turned on by inflicting pain, degrading or humilating someone else.
Establish Safewords
A safeword is a word or a phrase that you agree on before taking part in BDSM – if you say the word or phrase, all activity stops straight away without question. Having a safeword is a MUST if you are planning to participate in any type of BDSM activity. Your safeword should be clearly communicated to each partner you are playing with, so that they are aware of the fact that they should immediatly stop what they are doing if you use it. Safewords help to ensure that no one is pushed past their personal limits, and no one is hurt physically or psychologically during a BDSM session.
Here are some examples of safewords if you would like some ideas for your own:
Traffic Light System – Probably the most common type of safeword. Green means you can push things further, Yellow/Amber means you are close to your limit, and Red means stop everything.
Fruit – Choosing a fruit is an easy and simple safeword. Anything from ‘Apple’ to ‘Strawberry’ works!
Colour – Similar to the traffic light system, colours are a very common safeword choice in the BDSM community.
Respect Others
One of the biggest things to have for others when exploring BDSM and introducing yourself into the community is respect. Obviously, consent is HUGELY important with any sexual encounter – just because you’re getting a little rougher or kinkier doesn’t mean that this changes. Always establish consent before you engage in any BDSM play with the other parties involved.
When you start exploring this world, you’ll come across many kinks and fetishes. Going into things with an open mind and no judgement is essential. As long as it’s legal and not harming anyone else, there is no need to shame anyone else for what they enjoy. Similarly to this, shaming someone or trying to push them on their limits is one way to get yourself kicked out of the bedroom or a sex party.
As with anything that involves sex, safety always comes first. Regular testing for STDs, using protection such as condoms and other contraception, and just checking in with someone to make sure they’re okay will help make everyone’s experience a positive one.
Hopefully this has been useful and informative – now go get kinky!
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Pleasureful 